Derringer

Apparently I’ve reached a certain age where I’ve started the process of becoming like my parents. I’m not sure when it happened but at least five years ago, I looked at a picture of myself during a summer family reunion and the first thing I noticed was how my knees looked like my mom’s.

Are these old lady knees? How on earth... and when did that happen?

Meeting up with cousins at family funerals in recent years, what comes out of their mouths is how much my brother, Alan, and I look like our parents. It’s a scary thought, but in a way, a compliment. To this day, they were the best people I’ve ever known.

And now, watching the genius marketing behind the new Progressive Insurance television ads, something strikes a cord with hearing life coach Dr. Rick, who aptly states during a seminar with homeowners, “If you printed out directions to get here today... you’re in the right place.

“Now remember, they’re not programs, they’re TV shows.

“You woke up early... no one cares. And guess what... the waiter doesn’t need to know your name,” says Dr. Rick.

And then in one ad, Dr. Rick shares with the class where the “silent” button is on their phones. Yeah, that person is likely me as well. But in my defense, the iPhone doesn’t exactly come with an instruction manual. I admit I had to go online and find that out for myself.

Granted, I am covered by Progressive Insurance, but is someone from the ad agency lurking outside my windows? If you’re getting your inspiration from me, I might appreciate a discount.

“Progressive can’t help you from becoming your parents” and apparently we can’t help ourselves either.

I prefer to think of us who have reached a certain age as dinosaurs. Yes, there are dinosaurs who walk among us in the 21st century and apparently I am one of them. I seem to experience a crisis a few times a week with my in-house technology... yes, my television in particular, though I am convinced it is possessed by Satan himself.

Between issues with the “smart” television, three remotes, a DVD player, the internet and Spectrum, there are days when I should just calmly walk away and pick up a book. And yes, I not only own an old DVD/VCR player purchased a long time ago from Kmart, I was saddened when Family Video went out of business during the pandemic.

I’m one of the old fogies who actually purchased a DVD on eBay recently because I couldn’t find the movie online anywhere. The problem occurred when I couldn’t get it to play. So was it me, the DVD player or one of the remotes? I will never know because I finally gave up and decided I could watch it on an old Mac laptop. Problem solved and I was proud of myself, sort of.

The lack of video options and the fact that the pandemic social-distancing practices have kept me at home way more than I was ever used to in my life, prompted me to sign up with TV steaming services. Progress, right?

But I am one of those people who still have a home phone and answering machine, though not for a lack of trying to get rid of it. When downsizing my Spectrum package last spring in order to combat the constant increase in my bill, I opted to reduce my amount of channels and wanted to cut the phone cord as well. The Spectrum employee explained to me that my bill would be lower if I kept my home phone, so I still have it despite the fact that it made no sense.

It’s just one more opportunity for someone to call and remind me about my vehicle’s supposed expired warranty.

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