I received a call from a disgruntled reader last week.
She wasn't happy that I covered President Barack Obama's stump speech in Mansfield and, given the widespread and prevalent liberal bias that has infected all daily newspapers, wanted to complain that GOP challenger Mitt Romney isn't getting equal time and space.
I tried to reason with this individual, mentioning that I have covered Obama and Romney events and filed comparable stories, photos and videos, but it was to no avail.
So, for this particular reader's benefit and like-minded others, I want to make it clear that Mitt Romney is really great, with a capital "G." Really, really great. What a great guy, with answers to all of our problems.
I meant President Barack Obama. He's great, with a capital "G." Really, really great. What a great guy, with answers to all our problems.
Romney, I mean. He knows what ails our country and how to make things right. His tax plan is right on target and will help businesses expand and people get jobs and paychecks fattened like turkeys before Thanksgiving.
Obama's tax plan, that is. It's super and filled with benefits that will help middle class families and firefighters and police officers and school teachers and other American heroes.
Because Romney cares about middle class families and family values and family vacations and family homes and family meals around the dinner table.
That's why Obama was elected president -- his sincere belief in families -- and he's going to fight for families and family vacations and family homes and family meals around the dinner table.
You want to talk about jobs? You want proof of Romney's commitment to small businesses? Just ask some small business owners who built their businesses, and they'll tell you why they're supporting the Republican candidate for president. They'll tell you about building their enterprises with their bare hands and a lot of grit and determination and sacrifice without any handouts from the government.
They'll tell you why they couldn't have done it without Obama and his policies, which have helped Americans do what Americans do best -- working hard, realizing the American dream -- because everybody should have a chance to give 110 percent and see some reward from those efforts.
You see, Romney -- I mean, Obama -- is going to cut our taxes and give tax breaks to the people who need them most.
Romney thinks those tax cuts will help people have more money to spend. With more money in their wallets, Obama knows people will be more prone to buy new cars and appliances and football jerseys and stuff.
A vote for Romney is a vote for our children. Throwing your support behind Obama will give kids hope and a future.
National security? Romney will put Iran in its place. Obama stands ready to use the full force of the U.S. military if provoked.
Yes, we're lucky to have such men, like Romney and Obama, with so many great ideas and with such commitment to our interests with no thought for their own power or campaign contributors or political allies.
It's true. I heard it on Fox News. Or MSNBC. Or some conservative or liberal website.
And how dare you say anything negative about Romney.
I mean Obama.
(Marc Kovac is the Dix Capital Bureau Chief. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter at OhioCapitalBlog.)