Tue Feb 09 2010
I love humor and I love to laugh.
One of my favorite forays into frivolity is keeping up on church bulletin announcements.
For example, a United Methodist Church in Kansas proclaimed that "a new loudspeaker system" was installed in the church.
"It was given by one of our members, in honor of his wife," said the Sunday bulletin.
Another bulletin from a Presbyterian church in North Carolina announced that "the ministers and choir will be disrobed for the morning service."
A Lutheran church in Wisconsin featured the following bulletin listing: "Next Sunday at 5 p.m. there will be a potluck and the church council will make home-made ice cream. All ladies giving milk please come early."
As a Lutheran, I was raised on church potlucks. Potlucks featuring meat loaf, noodles, green bean casseroles and gelatin dishes with canned fruit.
Lutherans around rural northwest Ohio realize this is not an exaggeration. Whenever there is a church event, it merits a potluck.
Baptisms and confirmations, potluck. New members, potluck. New organ, potluck. Church paid off, potluck.
Better yet, there's usually a Lutheran organization around to double funds raised from the free-will offering.
In many Lutheran churches, doughnuts are a line item in the budget. The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is always locked up tight.
Lutheran or not, too many Christians take themselves too seriously. It's hard to believe that God would bless people with the ability to laugh except in church.
Perhaps that's why he inspired his followers to invent church bulletins.
So, for your reading pleasure, here are a few more well-meaning announcements that actually appeared in a church bulletin:
-- Sunday night potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
-- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
-- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
-- Missionary Bertha Belch will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
-- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
-- Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "Only the Lord Knows Why."
-- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement on Saturday. Free-will donation.
-- The associate pastor unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours!"
-- Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the church would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
-- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
-- Announcement for a National Prayer and Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
-- The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.
And here's my personal favorite:
Due to the pastor's illness, Wednesday healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
Comments
By Posting to this site, you agree to our Terms of Service Be polite.
Inappropriate posts may be removed.
Crescent-News.com doesn't necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post.
Login above or Register to comment.
0 Total Comments Home | Back
Copyright Defiance Publishing, LLC 1995-2010. All Rights Reserved.
Content may not be republished without the expresse written consent of the publisher.
Content may not be republished without the expresse written consent of the publisher.
Dix Communications